Well – what’s been going on with me for the past 2 and a half months? The usual I guess. It’s hard to describe in a way, what your mind goes through when you get home from prison. But I will try to let you know what this next part of the journey has been like so far.

At first, that first day when Texas Department of Corrections let me out their front door and I saw my mom sitting there waiting for me, it was pretty strange driving away. As the prison became just a bad memory in the rear view mirror, it didn’t seem real, and I felt a little freaked out. My mom had brought me my own clothes and my boots and my hat. It felt good putting them on, but it didn’t even feel normal any more.

The ride was good, it was a beautiful day with the sun shining, and in just a couple hours I was home. Getting to see my dog was great, I picked that big guy right up off the ground and we had a big slobber fest. My wish was to have some good pizza, so we went to the pizza place and then that night we had a campfire outside and I played my harmonica and my guitar. It was good.

I suppose anyone that has been locked up will tell you freedom never tastes as sweet as it does that first day. It’s almost like you are experiencing everything for the first time. There is a down side thought – it’s almost too much… and within a couple of days things start to feel normal and it is almost a disappointment or a let down sort of feeling. I guess in your mind you have this illusion about coming home, and being free. And really, life is full of ups and downs and ordinary moments, whether you are locked up or not.

S0… fast forward another couple months. What am I up to now? I got a job, a good one with a new high end restaurant in town. I got on with them before they even opened and worked on a lot of different things to help them, painting, installing the kitchen equipment, working on the chimney, stocking the place, moving in furniture, all kinds of stuff. Now they are open, and I am just starting to learn to cook. I am learning to cook all kinds of food, some I have never even tried before, and I am going to learn to bake pastry and bread as well. I already got one raise, and they seem to like me pretty well. I am always on time and I work hard, so they ought to like me. They also don’t judge me. This is a pretty small town and before I got this job I went to like, 40 places and wasn’t getting anywhere. But at this place, the owners aren’t from here, and the tattoos all over me or my history isn’t so important to them as it might be for some people. There are a couple other people working there now too, and they are all pretty cool. No doubt, this is a very good opportunity for a guy who was locked up by TDC just a couple of months ago. I could be doing a lot worse in the employment world.

I should be pretty happy with my job right? Well, it’s still called work for a reason, and at some point you wake up and don’t feel like washing dishes or sauteing mushrooms or lugging a bunch of wine down to the basement. But you have to, and you do it. I see that a big part of learning to live right out here and staying out of trouble is accepting that you have to work and just be part of the big machine like everyone else.

Other stuff has been hard to. I can’t sit here and tell you it’s all been easy and fun because it hasn’t. I have struggled some with it. I have times when I just want to be crazy and go wild. I have days when I am down, and I just want to lay in bed and sleep. I get lonely. I have met some people, some are probably good for me and some are for sure bad for me. I am trying hard to make good choices but I don’t always succeed. I think I am doing good, but sometimes the next 2 years on parole feel like an eternity, and some days I wonder if it’s all worth it. I am still pretty broke and I don’t have much to show for myself yet. It’s hard to be patient. It’s hard to notice the progress although I know that it’s there. As far as parole, that seems to be going OK, but I can’t say I feel my parole officer really cares all that much, she is just doing her job. That’s cool, I imagine it’s a pretty sucky job overall. She is probably just happy I am employed and not causing her trouble.

So, like everyone in the world, I have some good days and some bad. What I can say is this – I can wake up and look at myself and know I have choices today. I can choose to walk out the door or not, and I can choose to go to work or not, things I couldn’t do just a few months ago. I going to try to keep my attitude positive, and try to post on here a little more often.

Peace out people ~ TM

I am about to write a post to update everyone on what’s been going on the past 2 months that I’ve been home. But first, I am posting this song by Tim McGraw, it has some good lyrics about bettering yourself. I hope all the mothers had a good Mothers Day yesterday.

“Better Than I Used To Be” by Tim McGraw

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can’t count the people I’ve let down, the hearts I’ve broke
You ain’t gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I’m learning who you’ve been
Ain’t who you’ve got to be
It’s gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won’t lie

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
But there’s still one or two I might need you to help me get
Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
But I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I have served my time and I am going home!

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Texas Magnum in Growth and Change, Reflections

This is the post I have been waiting for all along. By the time it is received in the regular mail and posted on here, it will just about be real.

I AM GOING HOME!
I AM GOING HOME!
I – AM – GOING – HOME!!!

I am so ready, I can’t wait. Time is crawling now but it’s OK, it’s almost here. Just 10 days to go.

I can’t wait to look up at the sunshine, to breath in the fresh air. I can’t wait for a pizza! I am damn excited and happy to go home and see my family, hug everyone, and my dog too! I CAN’T WAIT!

My mom is coming to pick me up, it’s about a 3 hour drive. She is bringing my good boots and some jeans and my hat. She is bringing a couple of my favorite CD’s, the one I can’t wait to hear is Legend, the best of Bob Marley.

So how does it feel? I am anxious and excited, maybe a little nervous. I am feeling very positive though. I can do this. I have changed, and it’s a real change. I am not the person who got locked up in 2009. I know that what I make of my freedom and my life will be up to me. I am going to stay positive and enjoy every minute of it all. It’s what I have learned more than anything. Live for the moment, be in the moment. That is really all there is. I have some goals, and plans, and dreams, but I am not going to get all caught up in them and forget to enjoy right where I am at.

I don’t know what will happen with this blog. Maybe I will post a little when I get home, but the truth is I know people are more interested about reading about the actual prison experience. Nobody cares about the guy who USED to be in prison. (That might turn out to be true in more ways than one. But like I said, I am staying positive.) I am trying to think of how to turn it into something good now, something that will help those that are still incarcerated and their families. If you have any ideas, send them my way.

What an awesome time of year to get free in Texas. Spring is almost here. I love summer! I love the sun!! I am going to enjoy this summer more than any I have ever had, that I know. I plan to be grilling, tubing, swimming, camping, playing music, hearing music, and SMILING and LAUGHING A LOT, of that you can be sure. Hope you all do the same, wherever you are.

I will be in touch, people. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Peace out ~ Magnum

So this is Christmas…

Posted: December 26, 2011 by Texas Magnum in Growth and Change, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

This week  I sit here, away from my family at the holidays once again, and I find myself thinking. I am where the universe wants me to be, or else I wouldn’t be here. Since I don’t want to be here, I realize I need to look for the lesson in the situation.

Christmas is in just a few more days. It is hard to believe that last year at this time of year I was in prison too. And, the year before that I was in a long term rehab at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years… and the year before THAT I was also in rehab during all the holidays. It makes you think I must like being locked up and I must care less about days like Christmas and holidays, right?

No, that is not true. I can’t wait to spend next Christmas with my family.  So, what’s the lesson in all this? I think the lesson is – Whatever stupid shit you are doing that will put you in prison, think about it. When I was out there and I knew I was screwing up on my probation, I wasn’t thinking about things like missing my family so much, and the good times spent with them at the holidays.

What I was thinking back then was that probation was just as bad as prison would be, it was keeping me from doing what I wanted, and stressing me out, and I wasn’t free with probation hanging over my head. I was thinking that my probation officer was an asshole for making me piss in a cup. I was thinking it was cool to put off my community service work when a friend wanted me to do something with them. I was thinking my friends had my back, just like I had theirs. I was thinking that AA was bullshit because when I tried getting sober I was bored and didn’t have friends and it wasn’t possible to hang out where and with who I wanted to.  I was thinking shooting heroin wasn’t that bad because it mellowed me out, and I barely drank at all when I used. I was thinking a little meth mixed in was ok too. And I was thinking if I ended up having to do some time in prison, well I could handle that, it wasn’t going to be that big of a deal for me. I wasn’t scared of it. That is what I was thinking.

What I was not thinking about then, was that in all this time since, not one of those friends have written me, visited me, or asked my family where I was for that matter. For all I know, they think I am dead. I was not thinking that the scariest, hardest, worse part of prison wasn’t going to be the fights, gangs or the shithead guards, that it is the gut wrenching, lonely pain in your heart when you think about your family. How you can be a grown man and miss your family enough to make you cry but you can’t cry, because you’re in prison and trying not to get your ass kicked too much. I was not thinking that I would have all this time to sit and think. Would it have been better to do things different than I did? Yes, it would, but I really wasn’t thinking.

Shantaram by Gregory David RobertsHello all. I recently read an awesome book that I would like to tell you about in today’s post. A guy in here recommended it, and loaned it to me. It is long, close to 1000 pages, and it is intense. It is written based on truth, about the author’s own life, and it is an amazing story. Considering that I don’t really have any news of interest to tell you about, let alone an amazing story about myself, I think it will make an excellent subject to change things up a little.

The story is about a heroin addict who ends up in prison due to his addiction.  Maybe this is part of the reason I can relate to the story, but this guys story is a lot more hard core and intense than my own. The book is named Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts.

(Editors note: Here is a link to a website by the author, about himself and the book. www.shantaram.com Also, here is a link to the book on amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/Shantaram-Novel-Gregory-David-Roberts/dp/0312330537/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322934163&sr=8-1)

Lin, the main character, is convicted of armed robbery that he commits to feed his heroin habit. He got on heroin after his marriage broke up and he lost his wife and daughter. He can’t tolerate the harsh treatment at the prison he is in, a high security prison in Australia. He manages to escape, and makes his way to India. But he is now a wanted man. He knows when he escapes that he is leaving everyone and everything behind, and that he will never see his daughter or mother again.

In India, he chooses to make the best of the situation and he gets to know the local people, learns to speak a couple languages, and has many experiences. For some time, he lives in a slum and sets up a medical clinic. He had some basic first aid training but that is it, but he is able to get black market drugs and medications and help the people a lot. He spends several months in a tiny, remote village with a friend from the slum, and he learns so much there, and enjoys the simple life. But, he goes back to Bombay and he ends up getting the wrong people mad at him, and he is arrested and spends several months in a prison in Bombay in the worse of conditions, where he almost dies from the abuse and beatings. As all this is going on, he also meets and gets involved with one of the big mafia bosses in India. He eventually becomes very close to the mafia boss and considers him a father and  a mentor. The mafia boss is very intelligent and spiritual, and they have many deep discussions, but he is also a criminal. Lin learns counterfeiting and money laundering and rises up in the mafia. During all of this, he falls in love with a mysterious and beautiful girl, and that is a big part of the story as well, throughout the book. He eventually goes to Afghanistan to smuggle in arms and to fight along with his mentor, the mafia boss. I won’t give away more than that, but there is much, much more to the story than just that. The book is broken down into 4 parts, and each one is a story on it’s own.

Lin, the main character, is a tough guy and is used to fights and violence but the times he feels the best about himself and gets closest to forgiving himself for some of the mistakes he made in life is when he is with the simple, kind and honest people of the slum and of the little village he stays at. He feels redemption in his work at the clinic and probably would have stayed there if he had not been arrested and put in prison.

The author has a very descriptive style and he makes you feel like you can picture the various characters and places he describes. He gets into details and you can imagine everything down to the smells.

This book is an epic story of adventure, but it is really a struggle of good versus evil, in Lin’s own character and in the world of Bombay. For every good there is a evil counterpart, internally in Lin and in the world and characters surrounding Lin. The book ends in such a way that you are not sure which side has won the battle, the good or the evil, but this is on purpose and leaves you to think.

It is a fantastic story and I highly recommend it to anyone. I think it would make a good movie as well. I think Jason Statham from The Mechanic would be good in this role. Whoever plays this part needs to be a tough guy who isn’t very nice acting or good looking, but who can have a deeper side to him.

A story like this is maybe a little strange to read while I am sitting here in prison, because it is all about violence and drug use and crime. But it is also about the constant struggle in all of us to look for the good inside of us, and fight against the bad inside of us. It is not a simple story and it is not really about the drugs or the violence. I got a lot out of this book and I consider it one of the top books I have read.

Well, on another note, Thanksgiving is behind me, and it was good. I worked 12 hours straight in the kitchen and was tired but we did it up good with turkey, chicken, biscuits, and cake for dessert. I hope you all enjoyed a good Thanksgiving day with your family and the people you love. I am looking forward to the same for myself next year. I couldn’t always say this, but here lately I believe that most days, the good in me and my world is winning the battle. Hope the same is feeling true for you all.

Peace to you all ~ Magnum

I am tired.

Tired of being here, tired of the classes I am in, tired of the work I do and mostly REALLY tired of this dorm I live in. I am tired of the loud mouths and the bad attitudes. I am tired of the CO’s and tired of the other inmates. I am tired of writing letters to family because there really isn’t any news to talk about with them anymore. I am tired of drinking coffee that tastes like rusty nails. I am tired of having to strip down for every little thing and I am tired of noise and lack of privacy and pretty much just everything about this place. And, sorry, I am tired of writing this blog right now too. That is why I haven’t posted anything in awhile. It feels as if there is nothing left to say.

And that is GREAT news. Because if I wasn’t, something would be seriously wrong with me. No sane man or woman should ever get too used to this. When I get out I don’t want to be one of those who forgets just how crappy it is to be locked up away from everyone and everything you care about and make a stupid mistake and end up back here again. I plan to remember this forever and to use it to make sure I never come back.

Here’s the one awesome thing I am focused on: I am on track to finish up my classes sometime in February. That means that as early as March, I could be released on parole. Now I can start to look forward to the end of this, and start imagining the future and freedom. I can now say that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Before I get out of here, there are still a few things to get past. I need to keep out of trouble for the remainder of the time here. I don’t think that is going to be a problem but then again around here you really don’t know what’s going to go down at any time. All I can do about that is wake up every day and do my best to avoid trouble.

I am going to spend another Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years here too. That sucks. It is a little depressing to think about. There’s not anything to look forward to about that and really my best bet is to just pretend it’s not a holiday and look forward to much better times next year.

I will spend another birthday here as well. That sucks too because I can’t help but notice that I have wasted some of my life here in a very real way. Celebrating a couple birthdays in prison really will make you stop and think about what you have done with your life.

I have said before though, I am not going to let this define me. I believe I have it in me to get a fresh start and to do things different this time. I have been thinking of a few things I can do when I get home to keep on track. I know I will be required to go to AA meetings as part of my parole. When I was on probation before all this happened, I didn’t always appreciate being told I HAD to go to AA. But I have decided that when I get home, one of the things I am going to do is hit a meeting. I am going to walk in there and tell them right off, “I just got out of prison and I don’t want to use or go back to prison, so here I am.”

I am going to volunteer my time if they need help with anything, that way I can stay busy. And, I feel it IS true that if I hang with people trying to do the same thing, I’m more likely to succeed. So, even if I don’t like everything about AA, it will be good to do. I have a lot of other plans too. I am going to try some new things and enjoy some stuff I never had money for when I was spending my pay on drugs and alcohol.

Light at the end of the tunnel. There is something hopeful out there. I can leave this place behind in the rear view mirror and move on down the road in just a few more months.

Sending peace your way ~ Magnum

Update from Inside: Life here continues to be busy for me, work is trucking along, and so is the rehab program. The days are going by fast overall. Over all I am in very good spirits. I got a book called “We’re All Doing Time” by Bo Lozoff. It’s a spiritual book, not a religious book, but it pulls from all the major world religions. It quotes the Bible, Buddhist teachings, Hindu, Native American, and more. It talks about Christ and Mother Theresa and Gandhi.

It is REALLY, REALLY good. The author Bo Lozoff puts in words just what my personal beliefs about spirituality and religion have been for awhile now. It has a lot of lessons in spiritual practice to try, including prayer, meditation, and yoga. I have started working on some of these practices and I feel good about everything and I am in high spirits. I feel positive about the future.

For awhile now I have had this feeling that I can be as free in my mind in here as I can outside, it’s all about me and the way I feel inside. And the book I am reading says that being incarcerated may be more of a gift than we realize and that the richest man or woman on the outside may be more of a prisoner than those of us inside, depending on how they feel spiritually and how we feel. This is exactly how I feel too. I know I am more free now than I ever was when I was shooting dope and living the life of addiction.

The author says that being locked up in such harsh conditions without the comforts most people take for granted is a lot like what a monk chooses as a way to grow spiritually. He says us inmates can choose to spend the time with the mind of an incarerated inmate, or with the mind of a monk seeking spiritual growth. That we can come out of prison better for the experience or worse, but it’s totally up to the individual, not the programs we are enrolled in or the people who choose to go up against us. The positive and the negative we find here is all what we choose to do with it.

I find myself laying in my bed at night dreaming about life and what it may have in store for me. Life is full of possibilities and I can’t help but wonder where I am going. I try not to get too wrapped up in it, ’cause I know this very moment is what counts, but I can’t help dreaming. We all have dreams, right?

Another thing that is going on with me right now is I have decided to start to speak in our Group. It is optional, and up until now I have not chosen to. But I figure if I’m going to be here I might was well express who I was and where I am going. That way I am working on being open and honest to myself.

I am now in Phase 2 of the program and that includes some marching which probably sounds a little cooler than it is. We get out there at 6:00 am and march around the perimeter of the unit, once around,  twice a week. We yell out some stuff, go one time around, and that’s about it. We don’t do it enough to get really good at it. A lot of the guys hate it, but I don’t mind it, things could be a lot worse.

I just recently got letters about a couple things. My sister got hurt, broke a couple ribs. It was an accident that could have ended a lot worse, so she is lucky. Also, she is pregnant and the baby is OK, so she is double-lucky. And my old dog back home is getting really bad off. He probably won’t make it a lot longer. It really caused me to reflect and it also made me think of my grandfather who passed away several months ago and about death in general. It makes me realize that there are so many things we have no control over. We are all the same in so many ways, in spite of our outward differences, and we all come into the world and go out of it in the same way.

We all drive different vehicles through the streets of life, but we all have to figure out how to drive those streets, one way or another. Life will always keep on going, no matter your situation, so all we can do is go with it and do our best to find happiness and inner peace. I hope today that those reading this blog find themselves on a street going in the right direction. For anyone who might be seeking spiritual guidance, or who knows an inmate that could use some spiritual help, I highly recommend the book I am reading.

Peace to everyone ~ Magnum

Editors Note ~ I received an email this morning from Bo Lozoff’s Foundation for Prison Ashram. They let me know that if I changed the link to their Human Kindness store rather than Amazon, the proceeds are used to send free books to inmates all over. So, of course, I made those changes. I urge any of you who might be considering the book to purchase from this very worth organization.

I realized the other day that the last day of August marked 400 days of incarceration for Texas Magnum. 400 days out of a maximum of 1460 that could be spent as a prisoner in Texas.

Magnum is hopeful he will be released well before the maximum sentence date, and at this point, it is likely that he will be. He has committed to himself to make the most of his time of incarceration and has been actively working on improving himself mentally, spiritually and physically. He feels good, is full of positive energy, and is seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Lately his days are very long. Up early with prayer, meditation, or yoga as a start to his day. Then 5 hours of rehabilitation classes, followed by 8 hours of work in the prison kitchen as a cook. After work there is some time in the rec yard for exercise and fitness. Writing for this blog has been curtailed and letters to family and friends are in short supply. But we recognize this as a good thing, keeping his mind and body busy is making the days go by much faster now for Magnum, and we all are starting to look forward to the day he will walk out of the doors in Huntsville.

400 days locked up  is a lot of days, but it’s good to keep in mind that some people have a much longer sentence, and will count 1000′s of days in prison, or even a lifetime. It’s hard to fathom. Some folks are locked up and innocent, even harder to imagine!

And, because of laws like the Felony Murder Rule in California, some folks are locked up for Life Without Parole for Murder, in cases where they absolutely did not commit the crime of murder that they are charged and found guilty of. If you want to know more about this law and it’s repercussions, take a look at this 60 Minutes’ report. 60 Minutes report on the Felony Murder Rule in California

This is how the law works: If 2 or more persons are involved in a felony, say robbery, and one of them commits a murder while in the act of that felony, then all the parties involved are guilty of murder, regardless if the others took part, were aware, or in any way involved with the murder. This makes sense on the surface, because it’s easy to rationalize that if a group of folks plan a robbery for instance, they should be fully aware that things can go wrong, and an innocent person could be killed. Therefore, they should be held culpable if that does indeed happen.

The law was designed to be a harsh warning to gang members and a deterrent to crime, but in certain cases justice fails and young lives are ruined because of it. Under the Felony Murder Rule, a reasonable defense is almost impossible, even when there MAY BE very legitimate defenses and unusual mitigating circumstances. The judge is bound to apply a sentence of Life Without Parole.

Because of this rule, many times in California, when a felony occurs that results in a death, those accused of taking part of the felony, but not the actual murder, end up facing Life in prison without parole, at the young age of 17, 18, or 19 years old, basically for a mistake in judgement and being at the wrong place at the wrong time. An example would be a typical fight that gets out of hand. Things escalate and someone of the group, unbeknown to the rest, is carrying a knife. He uses it, and someone is killed. ALL the participants in that fight are facing Life Without Parole if found guilty, under the Felony Murder Rule.

Should young adult men get in fights? No, of course not. Do young adult men get in fights? Yes, of course they do. Fights happen every day, for stupid reasons and for perceived real reasons. Fights happen in bars and in parking lots, and fights happen in school yards and in backyards. Fights happen when alcohol is involved, when sports are involved, when petty crimes and jealousies are involved… the list if why fights happen is a mile long. Fights have happened since the beginnings of civilization and will continue to happen.

As a civilized society, we council the young not to fight. And, as has always happened, it usually takes a little maturing to realize the foolishness of resorting to physical violence. And certainly there needs to be a punishment when a fight ends in death. But is it rational that all the people present should spend the rest of their days in prison? Are they criminals that cannot be rehabilitated and contribute to society? Does the simple fact that they were THERE make them culpable to such a degree that they will pay for that with their entire life spent behind bars?

This is just one example of how the Felony Murder Rule could be applied. There are numerous cases on the books, and many have had questionable end results on the lives of those involved. Unfortunately for many, life and what happens in it is not usually simply black and white, there can be circumstances, situations, reasons, motivations, causes, excuses – in short, defenses – yet none of these matter or count under this rule.

Questions of how to properly dole out justice are very difficult to answer. The victim’s families may feel that everyone involved SHOULD lose their freedoms forever, just as their loved one has lost their life. That is an understandable feeling. But is it the right answer? As the family member of an incarcerated loved one, my view of our current justice system has changed. I have learned so much throughout this journey that what I once believed was fair is not necessarily the case any more. I am sure if I was the family member of a murdered victim or anyone else impacted by violent crime, my view would change because of that as well.

What are your thoughts on the Felony Murder Rule? Does it’s value outweigh it’s flaws? Is it an effective or fair law? Remember, step up, speak out, make a difference.

~ The Editor

Officially a cook in Texas prison!

Posted: August 6, 2011 by Texas Magnum in Growth and Change
Tags: , , ,

Well, how about that? I have been promoted, after just a short while on my job as pot and pan washer in the prison kitchen. The kitchen boss told me he had observed I was a hard worker, and he needed someone who could learn and work hard, and offered me the position. I accepted the offer (ha ha, as if I had a lot of options) and now I am officially a cook, in prison. Ain’t I the shit? All progress is good, and I take this as progress. And, I get an extra meal for my effort. It’s hard work and it’s kicking my ass because I like to work out so after working my 8 hour shift I hit rec for my routine. Then it’s a shower and sleep, then I do it all over again. Peace out ~

Well I now can say what is my least-favorite part of prison life. Catching chain for transport to another unit – God, seriously, it sucks. I left my old unit on Friday night and got here on Wednesday. In that time I stopped over at three different units. One is well known for being one of the oldest and worse units in the state of Texas. As you can imagine, that is a bold statement considering the size of Texas and the conditions of many of the TDCJ prison units. But, from my short stay there, I would say it is a true fact. It was insanely HOT. It was also VERY old, VERY dirty, VERY loud, and smells VERY bad. Rusty, creaky, disgusting – right out of a movie. It was gross. It is the old-school style of prison with three tiers and small 6′x8′ 2-man cells. Racial tensions ran high and everybody YELLS for everything. Just crazy feeling being in there.

It was not a good place to be at all and it makes me appreciate the small, boring yet better conditions unit that I have spent the last 7 months in and complaining about. I can see how trouble between inmates would run much higher in these sorts of units, because the conditions would just make you feel like a caged animal, and an animal that is being treated inhumanely too. When you are treated like an animal, chances are you are going to be more likely to act like an animal.

Having said that, I am really not going to miss my old unit a bit. I was done with that place and the people there too. When you are in such close quarters with a bunch of men, their bad points start to really glare after awhile.

But anyway, my two other stops were also in places I am glad I have not been assigned. A lot of the transfer units are pretty large operations, and the more inmates and CO’s you have crammed into a space, well, the worse things get. It’s just natural, I am sure. Also, I should mention being chained to the person next to you and going on god-awful long bus rides in old, crappy buses in the middle of July in Texas in the middle of a heat wave and a drought is not an advisable thing to do. In my last unit, they had me in some classes but about a week before I was transferred the classes were stopped for awhile for “summer break”. That made me laugh at the time because it wasn’t like I was going to the beach to look at the girls or anything. But if that was summer break then I guess this bus tour was my summer road trip. What a bad one it was!

I really want those of you who think prison is NOT THAT BAD to consider how uncomfortable you get when you are forced into a position for maybe just one hour. Think about that for many, many hours, and being hot, and feeling like you are going to puke as well. Not being able to stretch out your legs or bend them in a new position or stretch out your arms and shoulders. I have always been prone to get car sick and this was not a good ride for me. The heat was pretty bad, and we are all kind of nervous about where we are going, whether anybody admits it or not. So, sweat was happening. Lots of sweat. Yeah, this was a challenging couple of days. First the bus ride and at the end of the day you THINK you are so glad to be at your destination, but once you get in your destination it’s SO BAD and SO HOT you start to think, OK, maybe the bus was better, so you make it through the night and are told to get on another bus and find yourself thinking, thank god I am out of that hell hole, and feeling you are lucky to be on the bus, but then the long, horrible bus ride starts up again and you start to feel like you need to take a piss or throw up but you can’t do either, so you start to hope and pray you will get to your new destination soon, and yep, sure enough, you finally do and get off the bus so thankful just to find you are being thrown into an even more hellish hole than the last place… and so it goes on…

I am here now though, and the new unit does seem OK. And the funny thing is, that bad part is fading already. I just don’t advise it to anyone who has a choice in the matter, but as crappy as it seems at the time, it won’t kill you.

I think I will like my new unit. It’s a good change of pace. Right away they gave me a full time job in the kitchen, washing pots and pans. I like it a lot because the hours fly by. Time goes so much faster when you are busy. I lost a lot of my things in transport, including my good work boots because I couldn’t produce a receipt for them. They threw a lot of my things away for no apparent reason, just cause they can, I guess. I am hoping that since I am working in the kitchen they will issue me a new pair without me needing to buy them.

Well – here’s hoping that anyone reading this blog is having way better summer vacations and way cooler road trips than me. When I was 19 I went on an awesome road trip, camping along the way, up to the Smoky Mountains. I have such good memories of that trip, the mountains were awesome and Asheville, North Carolina and Chattanooga, Tennessee were both bad-ass cities I stayed in over night. That part of the country isn’t Texas, and Texas is where my heart is at, but it’s some fine country too.

Peace everyone, stay cool. ~ Magnum