Prison is a funny place. You sit in here, day after day, imagining what it will feel like when you are released. We all make a list of things to do, when we are “free”. Most mens’ list are a little like this:
1) Get laid
2) Eat a huge steak
3) Sleep in a comfortable bed
Everyone’s list is somewhat different but most men have a list similar to my example. (Ask them, if you don’t believe me.)
Of course, I myself know that I look forward to MANY things. From women, to work, to spending time with my family.
What I wonder today is, what about when we get out and accomplish all these things on our list? We reach the top of the shrine we have created named “freedom”. We, in here, idolize this shrine. We spend a good amount of time thinking, dreaming, and imagining it becoming a reality for us. FREEDOM becomes our goal.
But then… we get out… and we look for all these things we miss so much - women and food, comfort and pleasure - and all of a sudden, after these short lived goals are realized, there is nowhere to go, but down. And depression can then set in. And we still face the stark realities of finding jobs, complying with parole, and a whole lot more.
After talking with several fellow inmates who have been down this road a time or two already, I can only conclude one thing. Freedom is a state of mind. Many inmates have told me that once they do everything they had been holding onto, on that list of theirs, they found themselves once again unsatisfied with their lives and looking for something more. The question arises “what is next?”
I feel that’s where learning to become happy with the small things comes in handy. The honest to God’s fact is, I am “moderately” happy right here and now. I appreciate any little thing I get in here.
It’s taking that attitude of appreciation for things back out into the world that might give me a foot up, once I am out in the world again. It might turn out to be the lesson in all of this, for me. It’s all about taking that appreciation for things into back into the world.
Maybe not taking life for granted is what can get us ALL to the place we want to be, once we are once out into the free world again.
So, today I think I will sit back and just enjoy the small things. Like, the company of my celly. Or the taste of my crappy coffee I am sipping on. Or even my crappy, thin, hard mattress that I will lay my head down on tonight.
Because it’s not all that bad, and it’s what I got, and I never know what day will be my last.
Peace ~ Magnum