“We are tired of being made to feel inferior or unwelcome in churches, clubs, organizations or society in general simply because we refuse to abandon our loved ones…………”

We are everywhere–

For those who forget that the incarcerated humans in this country are indeed just that – HUMAN – I would like you to think on this the next time you talk about “inmates, criminals, convicts, etc…”.
These humans have families and those who love them despite whatever they did. Look around you and wonder, because this is who we are….

We take care of your children and grandchildren in nursery schools, we give them shots in the doctor’s office. We are dental assistants, we are school teachers and Sunday school teachers, we stand behind you in the grocery store, we prepare your medicine in the drug store. We work in banks, we approve your loans, we service your insurance claims, we work for newspapers, TV stations and radio stations, we read your electric meters and water meters. We are your landlords, your neighbors, we take care of your elderly parents in nursing homes, we are nurses, lab technicians, X-ray technicians, we own beauty shops, flower shops, printing shops, we are welders, plumbers, tree trimmers. We work for the IRS, the State Dept., in the courthouse, schools, churches, drug stores and toy stores, we are legal secretaries, lawyers, school board members. We are bus drivers, we prepare meals for your kids in school, we are city council members, bank tellers, we process your checking account, your saving account, we work at your Social Security office, your insurance company, we take care of your IRA, stocks, bonds.

We sell your kids bikes, school supplies, clothes, shoes, eyeglasses, we repair your cars, we are real estate agents, car dealers, college professors, psychologists, administrative assistants, safety engineers and ranchers. We work at Ralphs, Albertsons, Trader Joe’s, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, Macy’s, Nordstrom and Saks 5th Avenue. We sell Avon and Tupperware. We are not all “on welfare”, no matter what the government would like you to think.

There are two million people in prison in America and twice that many on parole and probation. Add in mothers, fathers, children, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends and about sixteen million people are personally affected by the prison system in the United States.

We are tired of letting ourselves feel humiliated or embarrassed because our loved one is in prison. WE did nothing wrong, and they are paying for their crime! We are tired of fearing the loss of our jobs or evictions from our housing should anyone find out we have a loved one in prison. We are tired of being made to feel inferior or unwelcome in churches, clubs, organizations or society in general simply because we refuse to abandon our loved ones.

We are ready to unite, to come out of hiding and openly support each other and our loved ones. It’s a new day, America and we’re here to prove it! We are ready to speak out against the “they deserve what they get” attitude we hear you talk about in stores, theaters and restaurants. We number in the millions, we are everywhere, every state, county, city and town. We may even live next door to you. Sixteen million & counting. We are everywhere.

Author Unknown

Friends, I have really slacked off when it comes to writing blog posts. I had already known that once I got out, the site was going to need to change it’s direction, because reading about a guy on the outside just plain isn’t as interesting as reading about a guy in prison. And, the truth is, now that I am not locked up 24/7, it’s pretty hard to make myself sit down and write.

Sure, I can tell you about being on parole. Basically, it sucks. But it doesn’t suck as bad as being locked up. Some days I think differently, there are literally some days when the parole process is such a pain in the ass that I think I ought to just go serve out the rest of my time. But just a little rational thinking usually gets me off that train real quick.

The way parole works, as time goes on you see your parole officer less often. Right now I am still on 2 visits a month. One in her office and one at my home. It’s kind of funny, she seems to be scared of dogs, when she comes to my house she literally stays for all of 5 minutes, tops, and she is out of there. My dog isn’t mean, but there is a tip for someone who might have something to hide from their parole officer, get yourself a mean dog. Ha ha, just kidding.

My parole officer seems OK, I don’t feel like she is out to get me, but then again, I don’t feel like she is necessarily real enthused about me either. I am sure I am just another parolee to her. I think that probation and parole officers are underpaid and overworked, generally speaking. I imagine they go into the job thinking they will make a difference and get burned out pretty fast. And, unfortunately, I am sure they see a lot of us just go right through that revolving door, straight back to prison.

What about me, you might ask. How have I been doing? Well, I won’t say it hasn’t been challenging not to fall back into old ways. I have felt good about most of my choices, and overall I am doing good. I ended up getting a new job, it’s in the welding business. I have a girlfriend, which of course I am glad about. I have had some money problems, my vehicle needs a new engine, and my living situation has been sort of up and down. I am trying to just concentrate on keeping one foot in front of the other. Living simple, keeping it real. See? I told you, not near as interesting as reading about someone locked up, fighting to survive every day.

So, what to do about this site? I want to keep it up, it has some good traffic, and people have been so supportive. After some thought and research, I have made some decisions. I found a few guest editors to start posting news we come across about Texas Prisons, the inmates, conditions, jail, probation, parole… the whole correctional institution business. (Because it IS a business, of that there is no doubt.) Some of them are ex-cons, some are family, and some are just some cool folks with something to say.

I am also going to start offering some more resources for the many folks who have family members and loved ones currently incarcerated. Links to other useful sites and information, and links to books and other materials that can be helpful. I am thinking about trying to offer prison stationary items too, but I know that is a whole process to get approved by TDC to be a vendor. I still might try to do it though. So stay tuned, over the next couple of weeks you will see some changes on here. If you like what you see, let me know. And, if you have ideas for the site, it would be great to hear from you.

Thanks, y’all, for all of your support. I apologize for the big gaps in posting. But things are going to get better now. Stay tuned. And stay cool… your friend, Texas Magnum

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals today reversed a Corpus Christi federal judge’s ruling dismissing a prisoners’ lawsuit claiming extreme temperatures violated his Eighth Amendment Rights. Lawyers for the Texas Civil Rights Project and DLA Piper represented Eugene Blackmon, a sixty-four-year-old prisoner suffering from hypertension and other medical conditions.

Temperatures inside the prison, which was not air conditioned, reached a heat index of 130 degrees. Expert testimony established the temperature during the summer of 2008 temperatures reached “extreme caution,” “danger,” or “extreme danger” levels identified by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration on 51 days. The court held “Allowing a prisoner to be exposed to extreme temperatures can constitute a violation of the Eighth Amendment.” “A reasonable jury find that the conditions of confinement … result in the denial of the minimal civilized measure of life’s necessities,” the court said.

“This is a huge victory for all Texas prisoners,” said Scott Medlock, Director of the Texas Civil Rights Project’s Prisoners’ Rights Program, who represented Mr. Blackmon. “Hopefully this decision will force TDCJ to reconsider housing prisoners in such dangerous conditions.” When informed of the decision, Mr. Blackmon said “that takes my breath away. I’m so happy to get my day in court after all these years.”

The court emphasized “with respect to a prisoner such as Blackmon, a jury could reasonably conclude that the remedial measures adopted by prison officials were inadequate to combat the extreme conditions in the C-8 dorm and to address the salient health risks.”

At first, that first day when Texas Department of Corrections let me out their front door and I saw my mom sitting there waiting for me, it was pretty strange driving away. As the prison became just a bad memory in the rear view mirror, it didn’t seem real, and I felt a little freaked out. My mom had brought me my own clothes and my boots and my hat. It felt good putting them on, but it didn’t even feel normal any more.

The ride was good, it was a beautiful day with the sun shining, and in just a couple hours I was home. Getting to see my dog was great, I picked that big guy right up off the ground and we had a big slobber fest. My wish was to have some good pizza, so we went to the pizza place and then that night we had a campfire outside and I played my harmonica and my guitar. It was good.

I suppose anyone that has been locked up will tell you freedom never tastes as sweet as it does that first day. It’s almost like you are experiencing everything for the first time. There is a down side thought – it’s almost too much… and within a couple of days things start to feel normal and it is almost a disappointment or a let down sort of feeling. I guess in your mind you have this illusion about coming home, and being free. And really, life is full of ups and downs and ordinary moments, whether you are locked up or not.

S0… fast forward another couple months. What am I up to now? I got a job, a good one with a new high end restaurant in town. I got on with them before they even opened and worked on a lot of different things to help them, painting, installing the kitchen equipment, working on the chimney, stocking the place, moving in furniture, all kinds of stuff. Now they are open, and I am just starting to learn to cook. I am learning to cook all kinds of food, some I have never even tried before, and I am going to learn to bake pastry and bread as well. I already got one raise, and they seem to like me pretty well. I am always on time and I work hard, so they ought to like me. They also don’t judge me. This is a pretty small town and before I got this job I went to like, 40 places and wasn’t getting anywhere. But at this place, the owners aren’t from here, and the tattoos all over me or my history isn’t so important to them as it might be for some people. There are a couple other people working there now too, and they are all pretty cool. No doubt, this is a very good opportunity for a guy who was locked up by TDC just a couple of months ago. I could be doing a lot worse in the employment world.

I should be pretty happy with my job right? Well, it’s still called work for a reason, and at some point you wake up and don’t feel like washing dishes or sauteing mushrooms or lugging a bunch of wine down to the basement. But you have to, and you do it. I see that a big part of learning to live right out here and staying out of trouble is accepting that you have to work and just be part of the big machine like everyone else.

Other stuff has been hard to. I can’t sit here and tell you it’s all been easy and fun because it hasn’t. I have struggled some with it. I have times when I just want to be crazy and go wild. I have days when I am down, and I just want to lay in bed and sleep. I get lonely. I have met some people, some are probably good for me and some are for sure bad for me. I am trying hard to make good choices but I don’t always succeed. I think I am doing good, but sometimes the next 2 years on parole feel like an eternity, and some days I wonder if it’s all worth it. I am still pretty broke and I don’t have much to show for myself yet. It’s hard to be patient. It’s hard to notice the progress although I know that it’s there. As far as parole, that seems to be going OK, but I can’t say I feel my parole officer really cares all that much, she is just doing her job. That’s cool, I imagine it’s a pretty sucky job overall. She is probably just happy I am employed and not causing her trouble.

So, like everyone in the world, I have some good days and some bad. What I can say is this – I can wake up and look at myself and know I have choices today. I can choose to walk out the door or not, and I can choose to go to work or not, things I couldn’t do just a few months ago. I going to try to keep my attitude positive, and try to post on here a little more often.

Peace out people ~ TM

“Better Than I Used To Be” by Tim McGraw

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can’t count the people I’ve let down, the hearts I’ve broke
You ain’t gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I’m learning who you’ve been
Ain’t who you’ve got to be
It’s gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won’t lie

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
But there’s still one or two I might need you to help me get
Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
But I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I AM GOING HOME!
I AM GOING HOME!
I – AM – GOING – HOME!!!

I am so ready, I can’t wait. Time is crawling now but it’s OK, it’s almost here. Just 10 days to go.

I can’t wait to look up at the sunshine, to breath in the fresh air. I can’t wait for a pizza! I am damn excited and happy to go home and see my family, hug everyone, and my dog too! I CAN’T WAIT!

My mom is coming to pick me up, it’s about a 3 hour drive. She is bringing my good boots and some jeans and my hat. She is bringing a couple of my favorite CD’s, the one I can’t wait to hear is Legend, the best of Bob Marley.

So how does it feel? I am anxious and excited, maybe a little nervous. I am feeling very positive though. I can do this. I have changed, and it’s a real change. I am not the person who got locked up in 2009. I know that what I make of my freedom and my life will be up to me. I am going to stay positive and enjoy every minute of it all. It’s what I have learned more than anything. Live for the moment, be in the moment. That is really all there is. I have some goals, and plans, and dreams, but I am not going to get all caught up in them and forget to enjoy right where I am at.

I don’t know what will happen with this blog. Maybe I will post a little when I get home, but the truth is I know people are more interested about reading about the actual prison experience. Nobody cares about the guy who USED to be in prison. (That might turn out to be true in more ways than one. But like I said, I am staying positive.) I am trying to think of how to turn it into something good now, something that will help those that are still incarcerated and their families. If you have any ideas, send them my way.

What an awesome time of year to get free in Texas. Spring is almost here. I love summer! I love the sun!! I am going to enjoy this summer more than any I have ever had, that I know. I plan to be grilling, tubing, swimming, camping, playing music, hearing music, and SMILING and LAUGHING A LOT, of that you can be sure. Hope you all do the same, wherever you are.

I will be in touch, people. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Peace out ~ Magnum

Christmas is in just a few more days. It is hard to believe that last year at this time of year I was in prison too. And, the year before that I was in a long term rehab at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years… and the year before THAT I was also in rehab during all the holidays. It makes you think I must like being locked up and I must care less about days like Christmas and holidays, right?

No, that is not true. I can’t wait to spend next Christmas with my family.  So, what’s the lesson in all this? I think the lesson is – Whatever stupid shit you are doing that will put you in prison, think about it. When I was out there and I knew I was screwing up on my probation, I wasn’t thinking about things like missing my family so much, and the good times spent with them at the holidays.

What I was thinking back then was that probation was just as bad as prison would be, it was keeping me from doing what I wanted, and stressing me out, and I wasn’t free with probation hanging over my head. I was thinking that my probation officer was an asshole for making me piss in a cup. I was thinking it was cool to put off my community service work when a friend wanted me to do something with them. I was thinking my friends had my back, just like I had theirs. I was thinking that AA was bullshit because when I tried getting sober I was bored and didn’t have friends and it wasn’t possible to hang out where and with who I wanted to.  I was thinking shooting heroin wasn’t that bad because it mellowed me out, and I barely drank at all when I used. I was thinking a little meth mixed in was ok too. And I was thinking if I ended up having to do some time in prison, well I could handle that, it wasn’t going to be that big of a deal for me. I wasn’t scared of it. That is what I was thinking.

What I was not thinking about then, was that in all this time since, not one of those friends have written me, visited me, or asked my family where I was for that matter. For all I know, they think I am dead. I was not thinking that the scariest, hardest, worse part of prison wasn’t going to be the fights, gangs or the shithead guards, that it is the gut wrenching, lonely pain in your heart when you think about your family. How you can be a grown man and miss your family enough to make you cry but you can’t cry, because you’re in prison and trying not to get your ass kicked too much. I was not thinking that I would have all this time to sit and think. Would it have been better to do things different than I did? Yes, it would, but I really wasn’t thinking.

The story is about a heroin addict who ends up in prison due to his addiction.  Maybe this is part of the reason I can relate to the story, but this guys story is a lot more hard core and intense than my own. The book is named Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts.

(Editors note: Here is a link to a website by the author, about himself and the book. www.shantaram.com Also, here is a link to the book on amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/Shantaram-Novel-Gregory-David-Roberts/dp/0312330537/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322934163&sr=8-1)

Lin, the main character, is convicted of armed robbery that he commits to feed his heroin habit. He got on heroin after his marriage broke up and he lost his wife and daughter. He can’t tolerate the harsh treatment at the prison he is in, a high security prison in Australia. He manages to escape, and makes his way to India. But he is now a wanted man. He knows when he escapes that he is leaving everyone and everything behind, and that he will never see his daughter or mother again.

In India, he chooses to make the best of the situation and he gets to know the local people, learns to speak a couple languages, and has many experiences. For some time, he lives in a slum and sets up a medical clinic. He had some basic first aid training but that is it, but he is able to get black market drugs and medications and help the people a lot. He spends several months in a tiny, remote village with a friend from the slum, and he learns so much there, and enjoys the simple life. But, he goes back to Bombay and he ends up getting the wrong people mad at him, and he is arrested and spends several months in a prison in Bombay in the worse of conditions, where he almost dies from the abuse and beatings. As all this is going on, he also meets and gets involved with one of the big mafia bosses in India. He eventually becomes very close to the mafia boss and considers him a father and  a mentor. The mafia boss is very intelligent and spiritual, and they have many deep discussions, but he is also a criminal. Lin learns counterfeiting and money laundering and rises up in the mafia. During all of this, he falls in love with a mysterious and beautiful girl, and that is a big part of the story as well, throughout the book. He eventually goes to Afghanistan to smuggle in arms and to fight along with his mentor, the mafia boss. I won’t give away more than that, but there is much, much more to the story than just that. The book is broken down into 4 parts, and each one is a story on it’s own.

Lin, the main character, is a tough guy and is used to fights and violence but the times he feels the best about himself and gets closest to forgiving himself for some of the mistakes he made in life is when he is with the simple, kind and honest people of the slum and of the little village he stays at. He feels redemption in his work at the clinic and probably would have stayed there if he had not been arrested and put in prison.

The author has a very descriptive style and he makes you feel like you can picture the various characters and places he describes. He gets into details and you can imagine everything down to the smells.

This book is an epic story of adventure, but it is really a struggle of good versus evil, in Lin’s own character and in the world of Bombay. For every good there is a evil counterpart, internally in Lin and in the world and characters surrounding Lin. The book ends in such a way that you are not sure which side has won the battle, the good or the evil, but this is on purpose and leaves you to think.

It is a fantastic story and I highly recommend it to anyone. I think it would make a good movie as well. I think Jason Statham from The Mechanic would be good in this role. Whoever plays this part needs to be a tough guy who isn’t very nice acting or good looking, but who can have a deeper side to him.

A story like this is maybe a little strange to read while I am sitting here in prison, because it is all about violence and drug use and crime. But it is also about the constant struggle in all of us to look for the good inside of us, and fight against the bad inside of us. It is not a simple story and it is not really about the drugs or the violence. I got a lot out of this book and I consider it one of the top books I have read.

Well, on another note, Thanksgiving is behind me, and it was good. I worked 12 hours straight in the kitchen and was tired but we did it up good with turkey, chicken, biscuits, and cake for dessert. I hope you all enjoyed a good Thanksgiving day with your family and the people you love. I am looking forward to the same for myself next year. I couldn’t always say this, but here lately I believe that most days, the good in me and my world is winning the battle. Hope the same is feeling true for you all.

Peace to you all ~ Magnum