Today is the 17th of November, and it is a great day! The reason it is such a great day is that last night a fellow prisoner here at the county jail reached out. For the sake of this post, I am going to call him “Ali”. Ali and I were just sitting around, and laughing with the guys.
Anyway, I went back over to my bunk, deciding to call it a night. I was just getting ready to go to sleep, when Ali surprises me by saying “Man, it suck’s that you’re leaving already.” At first I was a little confused by his comment, so I asked him why. He responded by telling me he hadn’t ever heard anyone be so open and candid about their addiction, and that he had wanted to talk about his own addiction with me. So, I invited him to sit and talk for awhile.
He told me about his addiction to meth as well as many other substances. He told me how embarrassed he was about being an addict, and he asked me, “Magnum, why aren’t you ashamed or embarrassed of your addiction? You seem so open about it.”
I told him that I am not ashamed of my addiction, but that I am ashamed of many of my actions that came about due to my addiction. I also told him that I am not embarrassed by the fact that I was shooting up, as I don’t think I would be the me I am today if I didn’t have those experiences. And, that I couldn’t be where I am spiritually and mentally at this point, if it wasn’t for that part of my life. I told him for me, my addiction doesn’t have to be a dark secret, but instead a learning tool or a spiritual tool that has helped me.
All in all, the conversation gave me such a good feeling. It is hard to explain, but I felt a true joy to listen to someone else, and to have them express that it felt good to talk about it with someone honestly, and to have them thank me for that. It was a conversation that also helped me express some thoughts that I had floating around in my head, and once I put them together and said them out loud, it reassured me that I am going in the right direction.
I just thank God so much for these types of small gifts he gives us. And, I am grateful that I am at a point where I can recognize this sort of random conversation as the gift that it is. I hope that all of you can have the experience of sharing with another what is inside your heart today or sometime soon, and that you find it as gratifying as I did.
Peace ~ Magnum