Today is the 17th of November, and it is a great day! The reason it is such a great day is that last night a fellow prisoner here at the county jail reached out. For the sake of this post, I am going to call him “Ali”. Ali and I were¬† just sitting around, and laughing with the guys.

Anyway, I went back over to my bunk, deciding to call it a night. I was just getting ready to go to sleep, when Ali surprises me by saying “Man, it suck’s that you’re leaving already.” At first I was a little confused by his comment, so I asked him why. He responded by telling me he hadn’t ever heard anyone be so open and candid about their addiction, and that he had wanted to talk about his own addiction with me. So, I invited him to sit and talk for awhile.

He told me about his addiction to meth as well as many other substances. He told me how embarrassed he was about being an addict, and he asked me, “Magnum, why aren’t you ashamed or embarrassed of your addiction? You seem so open about it.”

I told him that I am not ashamed of my addiction, but that I am ashamed of many of my actions that came about due to my addiction. I also told him that I am not embarrassed by the fact that I was shooting up, as I don’t think I would be the me I am today if I didn’t have those experiences. And, that I couldn’t be where I am spiritually and mentally at this point, if it wasn’t for that part of my life. I told him for me, my addiction doesn’t have to be a dark secret, but instead a learning tool or a spiritual tool that has helped me.

All in all, the conversation gave me such a good feeling. It is hard to explain, but I felt a true joy to listen to someone else, and to have them express that it felt good to talk about it with someone honestly, and to have them thank me for that. It was a conversation that also helped me express some thoughts that I had floating around in my head, and once I put them together and said them out loud, it reassured me that I am going in the right direction.

I just thank God so much for these types of small gifts he gives us. And, I am grateful that I am at a point where I can recognize this sort of random conversation as the gift that it is. I hope that all of you can have the experience of sharing with another what is inside your heart today or sometime soon, and that you find it as gratifying as I did.

Peace ~ Magnum

  1. Kathy says:

    Your letter brought tears. Do you realize how much you are helping others as well as yourself? What you are doing by putting your addiction out there for others to see is incredible. The way you are handling it is obviously an inspiration. What a true gift of thanks, showing the real meaning of Thanksgiving.

  2. Gordan says:

    Hey man, I found your site. I was looking because I was looking for something on heroin and , so this came up and I read about you. And your story. I am 19 years old, will be 20 in March and I am worrying i will go to prison too, im using and i am on probation for 5 years. And i know i am going to fail my piss test. I am not sure why i am writing this. I dont use so much I think I will pass the test but I have been thinking i want to quit. I worry about what will happen but then some days i guess i don’t care but i am going to quit, just get some other interests. glad I found your site i like reading it and do you have any tips.

    • Texas Magnum says:

      Hey Gordon, here is advise that people told me and I didn’t listen to. If you don’t want the outcome to be prison while you are on probation, DO NOT USE. Bottom line, it is a pretty clear path from where I sit now. Use = Mess up Probation (you will fail a UA sooner or later OR get arrested) = Go to Prison. Plain and simple.

      Here’s another thing I didn’t want to listen to. You need to take a break from all the people you know who use. You are not going to succeed if you don’t. And don’t feel bad for them, it has nothing to do with friendship.

      Let me tell you how it goes. Once you get in jail, guess who you never hear from? Those “friends” you are using with. Your story sounds too much like me. Don’t BE me. Move away, confide in your parents if you can, go live with an uncle somewhere, whatever you have to do, and get clean.

      Believe me, you don’t want to be sitting where I am sitting right now. I try to stay positive but it’s hard not to be thinking of all the chances I had and the choices I made. If I could go back and talk to myself when I was 19 I would have said this all to myself.

      Write me a private email if you want, I would like to talk to you more about it.
      Peace ~ Magnum

  3. Big Brother says:

    Good for you… it seems to me that you are attracting that of what you are looking for ( change ) And that you are teaching what you must need ( understanding )
    You are cool man. keep it up. what does not kill you will make you stronger, and that seems to be what is happening here, since others are also recognizing it!

    Hey one question can you receive books? i will send you a cheat sheet about how to win in poker. You got to start winning.

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