Doing the time the best I can

Posted: 12th June 2011 by Texas Magnum in Inside
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Every day I wake up and just hope and pray that the day is calm, that no fights break out and people are minding their own business. Every day I spend at least a little time trying not to get angry and fed up at the men who are rude for no reason. At the people who yell. At those who think they are tough or big telling about their crimes and the people they have hurt in life. At the people who like to make it a big point to say that they don’t care.

I wish I had something great to tell everyone right now. I am in a class that lasts 3 hours a day. The information in it is not helpful at all. Anybody who is an adult should already know this stuff. Maybe it helps a few people, it’s hard to say and I don’t find it useful. Most in the class seem bored and the only thing it serves for is to make a little chunk of time pass.

I have a whole lot of time on my hands. I do a lot of exercise. Some of my cellies can draw or make things, and that keeps them busy. Some watch a lot of television and sleep a lot. Some look for trouble. I can’t draw and I don’t want trouble. I tend to get too wound up if I don’t do something to move and stay busy. So, I do squats, and pushups, and all kinds of exercises. I do burpees, for those of you who don’t know what they are, look them up. Those will wear you out. I notice I look thinner than I ever have, my face is narrow. I was thin when I got arrested, due to the drugs. Now I weigh about 30 pounds more, but I am thinner too.

The food here is terrible. It’s a real challenge to eat at all healthy. We get no fresh fruit or vegetables to speak of. Maybe an orange once a week or so. Canned vegetables. Occasionally canned peaches. Lots of turkey. LOTS AND LOTS of turkey. Lots of beans. The portions are small, and not satisfying. I am lucky that I have some commissary money and I buy tuna and oatmeal and a few other things.

Sometimes I get messages from people who read the blog and they say I am helping them. Here’s the thing, I am glad if something I wrote did help them, but when I started writing this, I never planned to help anybody besides myself. I was really writing to just get some thoughts out, and try to make sense of this, and how I got here. I find it weird that people find my words helpful. I recently was able to read a couple of my very first posts, and I almost didn’t remember being in that state of mind and writing some of those things. I have changed a lot since then. My eyes are open to the reality of prison, and some of my thoughts about how I would get through it then are very different now.

I haven’t written much lately. It’s a little difficult to explain the way I have been feeling. I appreciate all the support and the fact that anyone takes time to send me a message is awesome. Strangers have reached out to me and that is a beautiful thing. But the more time I spend sitting in here locked up the more I find myself thinking that we are really messing ourselves up with so much focus on being online, online gaming, facebook and blogs. People should get away from their computer and start living for real. When I get out of here I’m not going to be sitting in front of a computer. I want to be outdoors every day.

Bottom line, I am doing this time the best I can, but there is nothing good about it. To any of you out there considering stupid choices, don’t be dumb. Don’t be me, locked up at 23 years old and feeling like I haven’t accomplished a damn thing with my life.

  1. hailey nicole. says:

    Hi my names hailey my moms in prison too. im doing a school project on prison life. i would like to get others opinions. maybe you could help. i go to antelope high. i fond life really extridonary. i will be doing this project for 3 weeks while im sitting in credit school ( summerschool) trying to get credits to graduate thats why i have to do this paper. it was nice readiong your outcome. my mom says some of the same. but i really wna get a good look & really know what happens in there.. if so email me back @ hailey-1414@hotmail.com thanks(:

    • Editor says:

      Hi Hailey, thank you for writing. I am the person that helps Texas Magnum keep up this blog. I would be happy to help you with your school paper and I can forward any of your questions on to Texas Magnum so he can answer. What kind of things would you like to know? You can read a lot of the posts on the blog and find information that you are welcome to use too.

      Thanks,
      Rivers

      • hailey says:

        Thanks, im writing the paaper as i write you. I came back on to see if there was any replies thanks for answering back. i just wanted to know how it is in everydayy life in there. its a 5 page paper. i dont really know what i want to know. I want the deepest information.
        thanks.
        hailey

        • Editor says:

          Hailey, Magnum says for you to email him a list of specific questions you can think of, anything from just details or deep stuff, he will answer it as best he can. If it’s something private that you don’t want to post on here as a comment just send it to texasmagnum@intexasprison.com and I will make sure he gets it. He says for you not to worry about your mom and that she is in the safest place to get help for her addictions and get a fresh start. And, he looks forward to helping you with your paper.

  2. John says:

    What is the difference between a Prisoner and a catholic monk ? You are a very thoughtful young man with 3 or 4 lifetimes ahead of you. I read a story today about a 70 yr old woman gruduating from law school- this Lady spent about 20 yr as a high school teacher, then she started working for an insurance company for about 10 yr, then she went on to operate a business that helped young wemon get health care for child delivery- you see what I am saying ?

    The answer to the original question is that a monk spends their day seeking peace and study. Its seems that you are more of a monk doing a little time at the monastery for reflection. Spend the time to educate yourself. Start by learning simple math and fractions.

    what is 15% of 100– answer is 15
    what is 15% of 200–answer is 30

    what is the decimal value for 15%–answer is 0.15
    what is the decimal value for 1.5%–answer is 0.015

    Ask at the prison about adult education or seek out a math teacher amoung the inmates. Read a book – A really good one is Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein- get your GED

    I have great hope for you young man. The fact that you are reaching out like this is greatly to your credit- I will follow-up with your site.

  3. Belovan says:

    (Well, said Kathy.) I too learn from your posts and it helps me feel a little more connected to my son. He writes me about similar feelings. All you can do is take each day one at a time as they fall behind you and bring you closer to the outside you dream about. Thank you for sharing your thoughts even if you are doing it just for you. Don’t feel you have to write otherwise it will be forced and not from the heart. We keep you in our prayers as we do our own loved ones. I agree many people spend too much time online and need to start living. Maybe I’ll take a tech holiday tomorrow…(smiles). Take care. Bel

  4. Kathy says:

    I know its hard. Your writings remind me a lot of my son and what he must be going through. I hear a lot of the same things from him as what you say. His letters have become less frequent, but I understand. What is there actuallly to write about? The thing is that reading your blog makes me understand more. It gives me insight. If, it helps you, then do it. If it gives you something to do, do it. If you tire of it, then dont. You have no responsibility to anyone in writing. I think in the beginning you deal with shock, confusion, whats happening next, etc. Now you are in the settling in mode, where everythings the same and reality is setting in. i dont have any advice other than to do what you think you should do. The fact that you recongnize the idiots in there and arent falling into the same conduct says that you are not “institutionalized” and you will make it. You may be in prison, but prison is not in you. Dont forget that.

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