I will share something with you. Sometimes when I think about everything I get a heavy feeling in my heart. I think it could easily be mistaken for depression or despair. But it’s not. It’s the will to live, the passion I have for life beyond this reality I’ve set for myself.

It’s like a fire that burns inside of me, and I am not exactly sure how to release it or what’s the best outlet for it. It’s a combination of every emotion – I don’t know if I want to yell, laugh, cry, scream, fight, or love.

If you want to see what I am talking about, it will be easy to see it if you are a dog owner. Go grab the leash and walk over to your door or gate and just stand there. Your dog will be there waiting, I am sure of it, with that look in their eyes and suspense in their voices as they yap for you to hurry up. That is how I feel. Just how that dog wants to get out there and smell it all, taste the world, feel the wind on his face as he runs. More than anything I want to live my my life and be able to appreciate every little thing.

Peace ~ Magnum


  1. Debbra W says:

    I feel I have some understanding what it is like. My recovery date is 9/85. Addiction is such an insidious and deadly disease. It owns body, mind and soul in a utter darkness that many of its prisoners do not even see the shackles.
    This is an interesting site. Thank you for the link back to my son’s site.
    Stay safe

  2. Kathy says:

    While I cant say I truly “understand” what you are going thru, I do know that you described what I get the feeling my son is dealing with as well. The appreciation and the desire for the simplest of things. It will come and when it does, you will never take it for granted again.