As the new year comes, so do new beginnings. For many people goals are made, and promises sworn to be kept to a spouse or to one’s self. “This year it will be different. I will lose that weight”, or “I’ll cut down on the booze” or “I’ll never cheat on my wife again.” All these dreams and desires to renew and improve ourselves rush through our dreams and our hearts each year.

This is the type of thing that amazes me about humans, we have the capacity to want something with our entire heart and soul, until it hurts our very bones. Yet, we might pursue our goal to an extent, practice our new choices or newly found principals for a few weeks, maybe even months. And yes, some of us do stay on a forward path and complete what we say we will do. But many others, myself included, find ourselves let down once again, our dreams blown away by the reality of life trampled on by our own lack of self will.

Time and time again I have proven to myself that my own will isn’t sufficient enough to follow through with my well laid plans and best intentions for the future. At times, when the law is on my ass, and I have no choice but to change, I will… but as soon as the heat is off, I have returned to my own selfish ways. This is the phenomenom that amazes me. Members of AA and other 12-step groups believe that one must put his will in the hands of a higher power to overcome old habits and addictive behaviors. Not until then, will things begin to change.

I have never been able to fully give myself to the thought that I have so little power in my life. Although, like I said, I have let myself down, time and time again. With that being said, I do question my honesty when I have decided to change certain aspects of my life.

So, this year, I myself have a resolution for the new year. This year my resolution is honesty. To be honest with myself in my intentions to change. To say to myself, “I will change my ways completely” would be a lie. Instead, I will try to live up to one small, attainable goal at a time. I will become self sufficient. I will put my duties and responsibilities before my pleasures. I will make sure the refrigerator is stocked with food. Or, I will just tell myself “I love you” when looking in the mirror, and mean it.

So, to all of you who have embarked on the new year with new resolutions, goals, or desires to change – my conclusion in reflecting on this and my message to you is to be aware is to be prepared. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Instead, choose a goal and set a plan in place that is within reach. And, stick with it.

Peace ~ Magnum

  1. Oren says:

    Maverick,

    If you truly mean what you put down in words, then you are certainly on the right track!

    Selfish is the key word I picked up on, because that is where the trouble begins.

    I too have had a hard time turning things over and it is an ongoing struggle. We can only try to do better and realize that all humans are flawed somewhat.

    We all look for the quick fix in many ways and if the pleasure of the quick fix lasted as long as the pain it causes, then it would be worth it. In my experience, 15 minutes of pleasure carries long hours (days) of remorse behind it. That is waht makes you chase the quick fix like a dog going after it’s own tail.

    Keep this attitude and you will be ok. Just try not to grasp the big picture right now. Anyone can eat a whole elephant as long as they do it a bite at a time.

    OW

  2. Danna says:

    For fun in one of our church gatherings this month we each made a “time capsule” in which we wrote on a sheet of paper what we intend to do this year. Once we’d made a list of our intentions, either in words or in pictures, we folded our papers and placed them inside an envelope. The suggested curriculum was to leave the envelope closed until the end of the year, but I’m choosing to open mine in June. Why? I wonder if I’ll still be remembering the intentions I wrote back in January, and if not, how had things changed. And, I think I will write another list to be opened in December too. Magnum, I like reading your postings and I want you to know that I think your goals and intentions are cool, healthy and worthy. I wonder how you’ll be doing in regards to your goals in June, if you’ll remember them well, or probably like me, not remember most of the list I made. I don’t know, but I think it will be fun to find out so I’ll keep up with your posts as you continue to share. Best wishes to you and to all around you. Danna

  3. Kathy says:

    Wow. Talk about honesty and truth. Your writings are full of both. Its obvious to me you are doing a lot of soul searching. I am one of those who would go into a resolution with all determined willingness to comply…for awhile. Then slowly I back off, until I quit. So my resolutions have been to not make any more resolutions because I know I wont stick with them. However I have also struggled with promises that I should keep for myself and the older I get the more I realize that I really should be good to myself. I dont splurge on trivial or material things for myself, but instead, I am giving myself the right to say no, the right to occasionally put myself first, the right to be kind to myself. I will never be the size I used to be, I will never have a lot of things I always wanted, I will never be what I feel society thinks I should be, so Im just going to be me and be happy with it. It takes a lot of time and a lot of struggles to finally be at peace with who we are, without the troubles we cause for ourself. Im glad you are realizing that at your young age instead of waiting til you are older. You will make better choices and be happier with yourself because of it.

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