Tag: sad feelings

I am a convicted felon – A sad day of reflection for me

To the world:

Today is the 28th of October, 2010. Just 4 days ago I signed papers at my court arraignment which convict me to 4 years in Texas Department of Corrections. It is a date I will remember for the rest of my life – the 24th day of October.

Truthfully it was one of the most relieving yet sad feelings I have ever experienced. Relieved because I know now what to look forward to, and have at least a rough idea of a date of release. It’s also very sad to me though. Sad because this isn’t what I wanted for my family or for myself. Sad because it takes me going to prison to take a look at myself.

It’s inconceivable to me now, but when I think about these past couple of years, I always had this strange desire to go to prison, out of curiosity and something more. I always wanted to be the cool guy or the bad-ass in the crowd. Somehow I thought the excesses with drugs made me the bad-ass. I guess I thought going to prison was going to make me a bad-ass too. Now I see that going to prison doesn’t make you the bad-ass, it makes you the jackass.

What I have already had time to learn here in these past 3 months is that what makes a guy the bad-ass in prison is how you carry yourself. Not in the way that might seem obvious, but in the way that you can choose to go against the grain and do what you should have been doing all along. The bad-ass in prison is the man who comes out a changed man. Changed in the ways you should be.

I can’t expect the State of Texas to reform me into the man my family needs. It’s up to me and only me to become a real man. I don’t expect to become perfect, or not ever to fall, but even if I fall down or stumble there is always tomorrow or even the rest of that day to do right.

Peace to you all ~ Magnum