It’s a beautiful day at the lake. My dog is with me today, he is happy, like always. Experiencing every smell like it could be the last thing he ever smells and the best smell ever. The grill is lit, and the smell of oak and mesquite is in the air. The day is more perfect than I could ever ask for. It’s a scorching hot day, one of those Texas July heats, but there is a slight breeze in the air. When that breeze hits my face I breath it in and feel the entire world inside of me. I feel the sway of the trees and know that I am a free man and nothing could ever keep me from knowing that freedom.

I hear my name called, and just as I turn my head to see who could be calling, all that beauty of the universe that was in me is suddenly gone, vanished just like that. Instead, I am looking into the pale face of my celly, his eyes with dark puffy bags under them from the lack of sun. A cold shiver runs down my spine due to the constantly blasting air conditioning as well as my stark reality. Everything here is white, not the glittering white that Jesus might have had around him, but a dull white that brings no excitement, or interest. I think they make it totally bland and boring on purpose to numb us.

This is the daily reality check that hits me while I sit here, waiting, letting the minutes and hours and days tick by and dreaming of that moment in time that my heart so longs for and my mind so easily recreates. Ever since I was a young kid, I have been a day dreamer. I know I was in trouble for it enough during my school days. Here, I find myself sometimes escaping my current reality with images of another place and time. Maybe picturing myself playing my guitar. Maybe on a stage in front of a crowd or maybe just around a campfire with a few good friends.

Sometimes the more down to earth dreams are the best ones, they feel so real. Me, with a wife and kids, and so happy to be with them and loving my life with them. Some people say that they try not to imagine the world or think of it’s possibilities while they are here because it is painful to them. They just stay in the reality of incarceration. It is true that I may miss home all the more when I have such imaginings, but my dreams drive me to be out again, and they help me push to reach my goals.

Sometimes I motivate myself to exercise by picturing myself being healthy, looking and feeling great, like a movie star! Hey, it’s possible, right? So why not get up and try to at least get as close to my dreams as possible.

So, today I say, I am going to keep on daydreaming. I am sitting by that lake with my good old dog, waiting to see my family. Maybe I will be sitting there for a year or a little more, maybe it will be four full years, but soon enough, I will be in that cool, clear water again with the sun shining down on me, and a whole lot of living to do.

Peace ~ Magnum

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  1. ohmom says:

    Sweet Dreams! Day or night, dreams can take us away from the now. I dream of sitting by a campfire with my son again, watching the fire singing along with the music~ ahhh
    I’m going for a visit today, I’m going to remind him of our camp fires today. Every fire we ever had somebody always said ” Now that’s a good fire”~ lol it got to be a little family joke with us. who was going to say it?

  2. Katie says:

    Hold on to those dreams and use them to get you through. We are all dreaming for you too.

    Peace,
    Katie

  3. Jen says:

    Hi Texas Magnum, I don’t really know how I stumbled on your site here. But I just wanted to say hello and pass on a few words. Day-dream all you can! Day-dreaming will help you stay connected to the real world, It will keep you sane. Find a reason to smile. If you can’t find one one day, make one! You are a wonderful writer; I’ll defiantly be coming back to your site to check up every now and then. My boyfriend/bestfriend is in prison in TDCJ, and has been for 4 1/2 years. Be strong. Focus your days on becoming a better you, make goals, and start figuring out how you are going to go about achieving them. You have a bright future ahead of you; hold on to that glimmer of hope and light. You will be in my thoughts.

    From one young day-dreamer to the next,
    Keep your head up.

    Jen

  4. Kathy says:

    Beautiful writing as always, I was right there, too Keep on daydreaming. It will keep you from becoming too caught up in your situation. Like I tell my son, “you may be in prison, but prison is not in you”, and its true. We daydream together in our letters. Sometimes we talk about building his home on a few acres, the garden he will have, the pets, the style of den he will have in his home, the fishing pond full of catfish he will have on his land. Dreams are what keep us going. Some of our written daydreams are completely ridiculous and funny. We feed off each others ideas and make them even more ridiculous. Sometimes theres drawings to go along with them. Mostly from him, he is much more talented than I am. If your charges are not aggravated, and if you mind your p’s and q’s (which you will, because you are very level headed), you will be out by that lake sooner than later. I know you will. When you transfer out, your mom will be able to look at the TDCJ website and see what they project your release date to be. Once you are there 6mos, they will review you and if youve not been in any trouble, they will more than likely be raised in line class and it will knock a little time off your projected release date. My sons was cut by about 45 days. He was sentenced to 5 years and his projected release will be approx 22 mos. No guarantee, but thats the estimated time line. You just keep on dreaming. Give your self small time goals. Get to the transfer unit, get thru with intake, get to the new year, then to spring, the dead heat of summer, whatever you want your time goals to be. Thats what I do. I rush thru the holidays, the new year, easter, etc. because everyone that passes is one less. Its easier to break it down in small bites than to look at the whole picture. Do you have a dog? If so, tell me about it. If not, what dog is in your daydreams? A lab? Do you have a boat on that lake? How about fishing, are you catfishing, or bass? Fishing for bass and juglining for cats at night? That sounds like a good plan! No noodling, thats just crazy. How about in the fall when its just a little chilly. Gotta have a bonfire with smores, cant forget them!

  5. PepsiAddict says:

    When you get out, please invite us to your first campout. You will have so many friends there, it will look like Woodstock! Seriously, I think that when you are close to release, your family should plan a party. (Just so you know, I am NOT sleeping on the ground! I guess I’ll have to rent a camper. 😉 ) Just let me know if I should bring some soda, or some hot dog buns. See? I’m already dreaming with you!